This thought seems to be about vulnerability. If they lose their job or become ill they will not be able to support their small children. Both are struggling to make it on their own. I guess “insane” presents a place of no return? A place of fear and darkness, like hell. I fear that I will fall apart at his loss and finally go totally insane. …I am afraid that I will lose my husband and not be able to take care of myself. I was little so I couldn’t just sit on the bed I had to crawl up on it. His room was always dark and smelled musky. …another thought includes, my father calling me into his bedroom. Nonetheless this is a deep fear which I think has its roots closer to dependency issues and fears of abandonment. To me this sounds irrational because I don’t mind being alone at all I am a relatively quiet person.
Since I know it is the repetition that is stopping other thoughts – creating a type of barrier, because believe it or not, we can only have one thought at a time – with mindfulness I try to stop the repetition by staying with the moment which means in therapy terms, experiencing the feeling of the moment I have not yet mastered mindfulness nor the idea of seeing the moment in a nonjudgmental way. The feeling is fear, usually a deep fear and some of the thoughts include: This is where therapy comes in with meditation or mindfulness. I am not sure that the context of the song matters because I never get past the initial phrase in my head – it just repeats. The earworm may have been different when I first awoke (although I don’t think so) but this is the one in my head now. I had to look up the band’s name and the lyrics… Closing Time by Semisonic. I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home… In between lyrics I am writing this post. I am sweating and anxious my nose is running, it runs when I am anxious. This isn’t a casual insistence of a song in the head, this is a compulsion, an earworm (see previous post) with enthusiasm which produces heavy anxiety. This is a random song I have heard and not one I particularly like or dislike. I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…I know who I want to take me home…
0 kommentar(er)
